Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Dating After 40... A perspective on Men

Dating After 40… A Perspective on Men

Looking back now I can laugh over some of the dating fiasco’s that took place when I was single. I tried the big name dating sights and did meet a few interesting people. I actually took out an add, and listed something about me, and something about what I was looking for in a guy. I was honest and upfront about what I was looking for. 

I have to tell you, I was more shocked at the number of photo’s I got of male genitalia, second to that where the emails I received from married men looking for a fling.  Believe me when I say it does not matter how many ways you say I’m only looking for single men, interested in a relationship.  You are still going to get a ton of stuff from guys looking to go outside of their marriage for what they want. 
Yes to be honest I was appalled, grossed out, and automatically dismissed anyone who sent a picture of there penis. What stumped me though was the number of men who were unhappy in their marriage and not willing to do anything about it. We are all lonely at some point or another in our lives, I know when I was going through my divorce it didn’t matter that my family and friends where there for me.  There is still a deeply sad loneliness to becoming single.  That is until you start to step outside of the box.  

What I mean by that is go out to the movies by yourself, or to dinner, take a book, read, or just enjoy a glass of wine. Go wander around the grocery store with your cart and people watch, look at what you think is normal, what you like when you see a couple and what you don’t like. Take the time to figure out what it is that you need and who you are.  If it takes 3 months, it takes 3 months, if it takes 3 years then so what, does anyone really want to keep making the same mistakes?
Now about those married men, what struck me the most over and over, because I did read their emails and at times answered back, out of curiosity mind you, never to pursue someone who was married.  The biggest problem I saw was they stopped talking to their wives, many had even figured they would stay with what they had, and just go elsewhere for sex.(Not Classy Guys)
 Here is the problem with that gentlemen, when you commit to a person, for a lifetime it quickly becomes a lie when you cheat.  Open your mouth; honestly talk to your partner, about how you feel and why. If you want to try kinky things in the bedroom tell your partner.  You may be surprised.  No one should give up on being happy with the person they are with. If you have to go away for a weekend, no TV, no Laptop, cell phone, and just talk to each other no matter how long it takes, talk be completely honest.  Even if you realize you don’t love each other anymore isn’t it better then pretending for the rest of your life? 
At the end of the day, when you die it doesn’t matter how much money you have, it doesn’t matter who you know, or how many people you slept with, it’s what you do with your life.  This is not a dress rehearsal it one shot, to make mistakes, learn and hopefully getting it right.  

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As a recently married 46 year old I am in the process of finishing my degree. Working to take care of my family and live my life.Blogging, working, writing, and chugging along like most of us.  Who am I ? I am you, I am me, I am your mother, friend, the best and worst that we each have inside of us. I am a different perspective and find myself fascinated by the interesting moments in life.

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