Maybe I’m a sap, but I still cry at sad movies, romances like Sleepless in Seattle, Terms of Endearment, or Steal Magnolia’s. Those moments in our lives that are so precious and singular. Like when our kids graduate, perform in their first ballet recital, get that goal or walk down the aisle at graduation or get married.
When I think about the things that really matter, my eyes tear up and I’m a goner. My kids laugh and Tom will tease me, but I really don’t mind. I never used to get like that or perhaps I was better at hiding it then. It could even be the beginning of the big M.
I have learned to accept that as a part of who I am. If it is beautiful, touching moment that moves me I am going to cry, and laugh just a little at how silly I am being. Those moments are what is important, they are what get us through those hard times in life and humanize us on such an elemental level. I call it letting life flow into your heart, it may be scary, but boy is it worth it.
I was driving home last week with my daughter, and we were talking about school. Out of nowhere, it hit me. It matters to me that I finish school; I started tearing up while we were talking about next semester, my chest got tight, and I could feel the burning need way deep down inside.
Going back to work full time or even part time, is one of the things I am looking at right now, not unlike many families. It doesn’t bother me to work, in fact I rather enjoy it having done so for over 25 years.
I can only say I realized that I want to walk up and get that diploma; I want to know I did it. That I did not let myself or my family down, that I did not give up. My fear is that life will get in the way of completing this part of my dreams, I never realized that it meant so much to me.
As parents, we give and that is important. Taking care of those in our lives, providing for them and keeping them safe from harm is something worth cherishing. For me that part is a big part of who I am.
Finding out that I want for me, is what I am coming to terms with right now.Truthfully most of my life has been about taking care of the kids, my family. I am not used to wanting something so completely for myself, and it is a little scary. I have always lived by the philosophy of give unto others.
So here is my message for the day, if you are young and in college, don’t put your dreams on hold. There are ways to work around life but most of us are just too lazy or busy. If you are older, and you have found that “WANT” in your life do not, I repeat do not, let it go. If your dream is to paint, take photographs, or write go for it. Do not look back on a life only half lived when you can have one that is full.