Sometimes it is OK to be a little sad. Truthfully I know I am in a funk right now and that is ok.In part because I realize I have to keep going. I get up go to work, take care of my family, and make sure I take care of Annabelle and the others in my life. Yes I miss Gunny, its hard to make people understand that such a small silly creature could provide so much love and joy or that losing her could shred my heart so completely.
I am thankful for Tom, and that he has the capacity to love as much as he does. You wouldn’t think so if you met him. Big tough retired Marines are supposed to be tough and he is, but he is also the only man I can honestly say I want by my side when I hurt. He has never made me feel like I was alone in all of this, he was right there with me. Today there are so many people who are either out of touch with their feelings or they’ve gone completely the opposite way and everything is about there feelings. It can be overwhelming at times when you meet people like that.
That balance I have in my world with Tom is what keeps me going. We each have our own weaknesses and strengths, we are both incredibly stubborn, and can be hard headed at times. Yet at the end of the day when all pretense and baggage from life is put aside it is just the two of us. There for each other, lending our strength and love to each other without thought or hesitation. Life is by no means perfect and it has only been a week since we lost our Gunny but I know it will get better. There are moments when we are just sitting and talking and one or the other will remember something she did that made us laugh or smile and we are there to share it with each other.
So for right now I can admit I am still a little off kilter from everything.I don't feel like talking or making nice. I need my space too come to terms with the changes this has made in our life. That is ok, for now I’m not drowning in sorrow, I am putting the pieces together and moving on one day at a time.
I have to make myself do my homework at the moment because I really don't feel like it. “I can't believe I said that” . However it is the truth, each night I sit down and got to work on my assignments. Pushing myself to do what I need to, because life doesn’t stop. It doesn’t end when someone or something we love ends.
There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to bring her back alive and healthy again but I know she is in a better place. Letting go is sometimes what we have to do, even when it breaks our hearts to do so.