Monday, April 15, 2013

Goodbye Is Never Easy.................. Goodbye My Shooting Star


Derek Russell
Forked River, NJ
04/12/2013

This Friday we said goodbye to one of those people who touch your life in so many ways. My daughters best friend Derek passed away on Friday, and for myself I feel like one of my own kids has passed away. I can not even imagine what those closest to him are feeling right now. No parent wants to bury their child. No mother wants to know that their child won't be there to love or even argue with good naturedly.
There are people that are a part of your life, and for my daughter Mara, Derek was hands down her best friend growing up. They were quite frankly the male and female versions of each other. Both Diva’s to the max, which occasionally made life insane.
As a single parent, I felt lucky that my daughter had such a close friend. Yes it did mean that they got into trouble, and rarely got caught at it. I know I was constantly torn between needing to scold them for their misdeeds and laughing at their ingenuity. As teenagers they had fun, they dared to laugh and be naught not unlike the sour patch kids, who are at first naught and then sweet.
Derek and Chrissy Grandma's Birthday

I can honestly say that when Derek was at my home there was lots of laughter,music, joking, and movie watching. There was genuine love and affection between both of my daughters and Derek. I do not believe there is any member of my family he did not touch in some positive way.

He would call my grandma and pretend to be her friend from the center and just talk on the phone with her. You may be thinking thats mean, but it made her day and I always knew when he called because she would talk about her friend calling her.It brought some light into her lonely days. Derek was like that, he would stop in and visit her, come to her birthdays. He was even a part of my parents 50th wedding anniversary.
For myself he helped me to find my laughter again. No matter how tired I was, no matter how disillusioned with the world around me. He would push until he had me laughing with him. He would tease me unmercifully and in many ways reminded me that I was still a person. That I still needed to live my own life.
Derek and Mara  mom and dads 50th Anniversary
This wonderful young mans shining star burned out much too soon, for all of us. I know he will be missed by many. People always say it is what you do with your life that matters in the end. Derek had his faults, but at the end of the day, he loved those around him with an honesty of spirit that I can only admire. He gave of himself to those he loved, unselfishly, touching and changing us all forever. I can only believe that he was meant to bring so much vitality and joy into this world,to help those around him learn how to live, because he would leave us all so soon. I will miss you sweet boy.

Monday, April 01, 2013

Pay it Forward


This year our Easter was quite, no yelling teenagers and only the parents for dinner. It was a nice change of pace. My youngest went up to her sisters to spend the weekend and we had the time to have a nice sit down dinner with my parents. Getting older is funny you do not really think about becoming your “parents age” but that is exactly what happens to us all.

As each generation passes the torch we look back and see our teens, twenties, and thirties gone. I am now in my mid forties and I can honestly say it isn't the best or worst time of my life. I tend to be a little bit more tired of the BS that can go on in our twenties and thirties. For myself I tend to be thankful for the moments we are given with those we love.

Watching my parents who are now in their 70’s I just want to protect them from the selfishness of the world we live in. They deserve to enjoy their golden years how they see fit and without drama. I look at my mom and I can see how fragile she is, yet her will of iron is still there. The quiet courage I have come to admire and respect never falters or waivers. She is steady and constant. She and my dad both may not always agree but they have always stood united in front of the world and us kids. I believe that is their greatest legacy to us all. Not the mistakes they have made along the way, because we are all supposed to make mistakes. That is how we learn.   
My life may be chaotic and crazy, and I may not have as much time as I did to do those little things I like doing for the people I love. All any of us can do is strive to make it better. I believe in the adage about passing it forward, for the simple reason that when we lose our humanity we lose as a society.

So on this Easter as it comes to a close take a moment and pay it forward to those who have gone before us. It is our job to look out for them, keep them safe and treat them with respect and dignity. No one knows what tomorrow will bring, especially here. So love like you mean it and watch over those who cannot watch over themselves.

Learn from your parents, they may not be perfect but they have survived in this crazy world we all must live in. Learn from their mistakes and try to remember that they are human and people also. I know mine are, and I do consider myself blessed for having them in my life.







Its More then Just a Dream

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As a recently married 46 year old I am in the process of finishing my degree. Working to take care of my family and live my life.Blogging, working, writing, and chugging along like most of us.  Who am I ? I am you, I am me, I am your mother, friend, the best and worst that we each have inside of us. I am a different perspective and find myself fascinated by the interesting moments in life.

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