As a quasi perfectionist, I find myself continually fretting over assignments and grades. Was my paper good enough, did I score high enough on my last test? Yet oddly, that thing we call real life that we all know and participate in goes on around us. People still lose homes, jobs and their lives, it never stops.
I would be deceiving myself if I didn't acknowledge that I worry for our kids in college today and what they will ultimately face as they go out into the world. It isn’t a friendly place nor does it take prisoners.
For myself, I am not where I ultimately want to be, which is one step closer to getting published or finding complete success at my antique business. Not unlike many of you out there I am holding my own.
So what have I learned this semester so far, well that I can write a story that can make me cry. That we never know as much as we think we do and that real brilliance is in each and every one of us. Sure there are still those kids you may wish you could stick in a locker which isn’t politically correct today. They are still there and still around to drive you crazy.(Yes they still make me roll my eyes and grit my teeth.) They will always be there, even out in the real world.
As I go over each new hurdle I keep reaching toward the prize. Even though my end goal has expanded into continuing towards my bachelors degree in Literature at (Hopefully) Stockton College. I have to admit I am still just a little intimidated by the prospect. Bigger school bigger campus, it took me almost two years to figure out where everything was here at OCC without getting lost. I can just see me now wandering around campus with a map as I try to find what buildings I’m in and where my classes are.
Looking back over my time here I am so thankful for the wonderful professors I have had the pleasure of studying under. Their own rich life experiences have brought so much to the classroom. It has been well worth getting to know them as a student. It isn’t easy to change course in the middle of your life, yet sometimes in order to find oneself, that is what is necessary. Taking that needed time to stop and listen to something other than a TV or our family and friends as we come to hate the same old grind. At twenty many are ready to take on the world without really knowing what the world holds for them. As we hit thirty we start to wake up and realize there is something bigger out there, and that there is much more to life. As I sit here perched in the middle of forty I know gravity will only get worse, yet I feel as if I am better able to appreciate the nuances of going to college. I can laugh at the absurdity and Don Quixote like zeal of the many younger students who feel passionately about everything.
When I look deep inside myself, I feel an overwhelming acceptance and gratitude for where I am now. A thankfulness for the experience I have been able to have thanks to my wonderful husband. I may at times be bleary-eyed from lack of sleep as I stay up to finish papers or study for tests, but I understand this moment in my life is a gift.