Wednesday, November 06, 2013

Table For One

 
 As a woman,  one of the hardest things to get past when I became divorced from my ex-husband was the ability to do everything by myself. There are the typical things like cut the grass, getting your car fixed that stereotypically we tend to let the man handle. It isn't a good thing or a bad thing but as a woman learning to do things alone was about finding me as a person.
     I know many may not think it is necessary to do things alone, but it is. Think about when you learned how to ride a bike for the first time that feeling of freedom as you sailed down the street with the  wind brushing against your face. That was you! All by yourself, sure mom or dad pushed  and got you going, but you did that. Well at least until your crashed when you couldn't remember how to stop. My point is those moments of freedom are necessary even needed in our lives. That wonder factor that hey I’m doing this myself is crucial for us as women. We need to feel that sense of accomplishment and make that connection with ourselves.
     When you have kids as a single parent, you have to take the time for yourself to keep balance in your life. Many women do this in various ways. One of the things I think that is hard is to tackle things we generally think of as couples activities. Going out to a movie, dinner or a show, even going out with other couples we tend to  do these things when we are with someone else even if its just a friend.
     It is imperative as women to learn how to be alone, how to go out to dinner alone and actually enjoy it. I can still remember one of the first times I went out to eat alone and the waiter seemed almost shocked that I wasn't with someone and wasn't meeting a date. I tend to be a creature of habit, yet in my effort to grow as a person it was necessary  to break those habits that I was used to and took for granted.
      Sure I dated and enjoyed having company, who wouldn’t? We tend to identify ourselves by the man we are with, to the point that many of us lose ourselves. After a bumpy start,  I did learn to do all of those things by myself and to savor the time it gave me. In essence,  I found myself, and that is essential for us all to do. It is hard to bring your best to a relationship when you don’t honestly know whom you are. It reminds me of Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride when she is trying all the different eggs to see what she as a person actually likes. As women,  we all too often don't do  that in our desire to blend with our mate.
      It is one of the reasons why I did wait before getting married or seriously involved again. Women need to find themselves first, it is one thing I have always told to my two girls as they entered adulthood. At twenty, our perspective tends to be a little different, and we don't understand what it means to find ourselves. In fact,  we tend to identify ourselves by the person we are with.  If you don’t understand what I am saying take a book, sudoku, or simple game and go out to an actual restaurant and eat alone. While you're sitting there look around, you may see a few men eating alone but rarely if ever will you see a woman enjoying a simple meal by herself.
     We spend so much time feeding and caring for our families we give up that thread of ourselves. Here’s the thing we need that thread, those fibers that make us an individual. We need them for ourselves, our kids and our relationships.
      We need to take the time to find ourselves, and actually learn to like ourselves as women. Our society is geared towards couples, you hear comedians talk about it, making fun of it. Go to a bookstore or on Amazon, there are thousands of books on how not to be alone. That point us toward finding our happiness by being with someone else.
      Here is my point if you can't make peace with yourself, and learn to be comfortable inside your own skin you are limiting what you're bringing to a relationship. You're cutting yourself out of the equation, & you're choosing to ignore your needs and wants as a person. Those needs are paramount to take care of in order for you to be there for anyone else, including yourself. So do it I dare you, in fact, I will double dare you. Go out to a restaurant and ask for a Table for one, you may just be surprised.
Empower yourself 

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As a recently married 46 year old I am in the process of finishing my degree. Working to take care of my family and live my life.Blogging, working, writing, and chugging along like most of us.  Who am I ? I am you, I am me, I am your mother, friend, the best and worst that we each have inside of us. I am a different perspective and find myself fascinated by the interesting moments in life.

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