If I counted up all the times I asked myself what in the hell I was thinking I could probably circle the world. At forty-seven, I have reached the mark, sure it's taken me twenty plus years to get here. The point is I am here now, no longer afraid to stumble and fall. Freer than I have ever been in my life. I know not everyone will like what I write, but doggedly, stubbornly I will push on. Sometimes sharing a piece of myself, making you think, or just entertaining you.
I've gotten past my girlie inclination to not offend, because I know at times I will. There will be challenges filled with ups and downs, as I rewrite parts of my novel. Post new articles on the blog, work at the store or just take care of my family. I am not different from anyone else, my flaws are many and my dreams as real as anyone’s.
Going out with my husband the other night to pick up some paint and paneling for our son's room, we of course headed to the big orange box. I have to admit that although I hadn't been to the store in Manahawkin other than to dash in and dash out, I was touched to see and talk to old friends. Of all the stores, I worked in this one was truly my favorite. Not because the people are better, but because the people I was fortunate enough to work with were friends and for a short couple of year's family.
I found myself smiling, peaceful as we left the store. For a few brief moments, I was taken back to a time when forklifts ruled and “Get it done!” meant something more. I found me, in that big orange box, my strength as a woman, along with my confidence in myself. Don't get me wrong, I was a work in process when I got there that first day over ten years ago. Yet, over the course of my time there, I was touched by many wonderful, caring, people who became friends.
Life doesn't always let us look behind, letting us see the road we have traveled. I sit here tonight ready. Ready to take on my dreams and make them happen. Knowing I am stronger and hopefully wiser than when I started this crazy journey. There is no greater joy than finding what makes you smile, gives you peace, and lets you become whom you are meant to be.
If I owe anyone a thank you, it's those people I have met along the way who’s kindness, and giving hearts made me who I am today. It could have turned out differently, I could be bitter, angry and vengeful over some of the roads I have had to travel. Lord knows the anger that boiled inside me when I first worked at the BOX, was blunt, sharp, unwilling to take anyone’s crap I worked until muscles shook with the strain and exhaustion new me by name. Often so tired when I got home I wasn't sure I would make it inside. I know now had I not walked those paths sometimes veering off track for a moment or two I would not be me, I would not be complete or at peace.